36/37 week report and picts

we've begun the weekly appts...finally! we had an appt last thursday. there are no signs of estella arriving anytime soon. she was still so high, the doc opted to do a quick ultrasound just to make sure she was still head down. luckily, she is. everything is looking good. our next appt is this thursday.

i did have a bought of contractions last wednesday night. not painful. but, they lasted for about 3 hours. we concluded it was probably stress-related and not real labor.

we had a great weekend, last weekend. nan was in town. (for those of you who dont know nan...she is one of my best friends that i've known since 7th grade and is expecting a baby girl in October.) it was fun to relax with another preggars for the weekend. and, we got lots of funny looks with our baby bellies. apparently, 2 pregnant women is a strange sight...

we took this belly shot last night (36.5 weeks)

34 weeks!

i think it finally hit us that we will have a new baby very soon. this weekend we talked about our new addition quite a bit. we have really done much prep for her arrival. maybe the nesting bug will hit sometime soon? i guess we do know that she doesnt need much, so there isn't huge pressure to get her room ready.

last week the doc hooked us up to the monitor. estella was a little lethargic, so they wanted to make sure all was ok. she passed all the needed markers. so, they sent us home. our next appt is on the 15th, then we will go once/week. wow. crazy.

i am beginning to feel really pregnant. tired. hard to roll out of bed. the norm. but, she is doing good. she is quite active in there. (a lot more than ely was.) i would say she might be a gymnastic with some of her tumbles :)

attached is a pic of my tummy at 32 weeks (about 2 weeks ago). i will post another at 36 weeks.

Week 28 Tummy

There's been quite an expansion going on in my tummy. Babygirl just continues to grow, and so does my tummy. (I think she has even provided some lovely stretch marks to remember her by. Ely didn't leave me with such a gift.)

Some people have noticed, I'm carrying Estella a lot lower than I carried Ely. That is making for some extra growing pains that I don't recall from my pregnancy with Ely.

Other than some stretching and feeling huge, I am feeling ok. Dealing with a little nausea that pushes me to go into carb-overload. But, nothing that is too bad.

Just 11.5 more weeks to go!

27.5 week update

we had another U/S on thursday. they were look for any issues that could come from earlier issues. seems all is still good! they said her measurements are running in the 58 percentile. that day, she was head down. which is a first. AND...the previa is gone! finally at a place where we can "resume normal activity" and can proceed with a normal birthing plan. YEAH! hopefully, all appointments continue to provide us good news!

i had a follow-up with my OB on friday. she said all was looking good. we laugh because the appointments seem "boring."

enjoy estellas pics. anthony and noticed she looked a little different this time. by the looks of these shots, she has a fairly large nose and big-ole lips :)

i will post some new belly picts next week!

24-week update

growing, growing, growing...my tummy is expanding quite nicely, as you can see. she's kicking all the time. even to the point of seeing my stomach poke out. i cannot keep ely's attention long enough for him to witness it. soon enough.

i had a check in last friday. a week early due to some concerns. luckily, all was fine in baby land. our next appt will be 5/20. we'll also have an U/S to take a look at the previa situation. hopefully, the placenta has moved, and we can cross that concern off our list too :)

i've been nesting a little bit. which is funny, because i never really nested with ely. we went through all the bins of baby stuff that i'd saved from ely's younger days. we were able to salvage all the toys and a lot of the 0-6 month items are gender neutral. she'll just have to be used to wearing some blue in her first few months too. with the help of some other girl cousins, she'll be able to look like a girl in public ;)

we're waiting to re-do the room as a nursery for a few more months. we are hoping to have a few guests in the early summer. so, we'll keep it as a guest room until mid-july. we do know the "theme." (actually, i am not one for themes, but i like to have a color "theme") the plan is red and fuscia with aqua accents. i think this is the bedding we will be purchasing. (gives you a better idea of what we're thinking.)

20-ish week update

after the good news shared last week, the 20-week update seems a little boring. but, i will follow through with shorter updates and picts.

now that we are considered a "normal pregnancy," we will have normal visits at normal times. i went on friday to visit my normal OB for a 20-week check-in. to my surprise, i had packed on quite a few pounds in the last 4 weeks. i had only gained 6lbs in the first 16 weeks. from week 16 to 20, i put on another 7lbs! wowza...obviously, i've been less stressed and eating a lot more! with gaining 13lbs in the first half of this pregnancy is still less than i'd gained at this point with ely. so, it's not all bad news. (and, you can see the tummy is expanding quite nicely)

we listened to the heartbeat. all good. they will test my blood sugar at the next appt, at 24 weeks. and, we will have another U/S done at 28 weeks to check the previa. after the 28 week appt, we will begin seeing our doc every 2 weeks!

she is moving around quite a bit. her "kicks" are much more gentle than ely's. still enjoying the pokes/prods that she is giving :)

The "big" appointment

yesterday was the day. the day when all would shift into "HELL YEAH" or "what do we do now?" mode. we are officially in HELL YEAH! mode :)

funny thing...there's not much to say. except for everything is normal. that's all the genetic counselor wrote on the report. NORMAL. wow...what a shift. NORMAL. NORMAL. weird to say. weird to think NORMAL is now a miracle. i'll take it.

details:
started with EKG. they didnt take long. 10 minutes? the cardiologist came in fairly quickly to let us know everything looked great.

moved on to the 20-week anatomy scan. again, all the parts/pieces that are supposed to be there were there. the high-risk OB came in during the scan to look at one thing. then, said: all is good. your baby looks normal. of course, we made her repeat it a few times. it was amazing news.

the only "bad" news is that i still have placenta previa. it has shifted a little bit. but, still limited to activities until it is cleared. but, looks promising! at least this forces us to have more U/S. (typically you dont have any further U/S after 20 weeks.)

so, that's it. back to normal pregnancy mode...and i love it!

thanks again for all your support. we couldnt have done it without you all. i will continue to update the blog. hopefully for just boring stuff like belly shots, etc.

Not gas...definitely a flip or two

I've been noticing "quickening" for quite a while now. (that is how they define the little butterflies you feel before the big KICK.) But, I've yet to "catch" her in the act...ie. put my hand on my tummy and feel movement from the outside.

Last night she got busted! I was in my normal pose of laying on the bed, watching some crappy tv...and began feeling some something. I patiently waited, hands on tummy. And, there it was...some flipping, tumbling, something. Nothing like my experience with Ely where I was (again, laying in bed watching crappy tv) startled by the punch he gave to me. I actually screamed because if scared me! I'm not sure if it's a difference of gender or some extra layers of flab. Hopefully it will happen more regularly so that Ely and Anthony can get a in on the action.

Next week is the big week...hopefully the update on Wednesday is to share a lot of good news!

17-week update, 16 week belly

the photo above was actually taken last week. so, as you can imagine, it's quite a bit bigger today :)

some updates:
MONDAY: met with my OB. heartbeat sounded great. she confirmed the U/S looked great. she did, however, explain the potential issues with the previa. it's not as cut/dry as we'd thought. we kinda just have to wait it out and see if it shifts. until then, i've been limited to certain activities until something changes. hopefully we will see some movement at the 20-week U/S. words like "bedrest" were tossed around...ick!

WEDNESDAY: results from the neural tube defect blood test came back negative (negative is good)!

i hope to just keep sharing good news with every post :)

16-week Ultrasound

we had another u/s done on friday evening. (this is not typical, but they are still handling us with kid gloves). they were looking at her anatomy, organ development, signs of CH or any thickening on her neck and certain markers.

ALL WAS GREAT!

of course, they made us sweat it out for an hour. at first, the tech thought she saw something her neck, but saw nothing when she was in a better position. estella was moving around A LOT. this was nice for us to see. up until now, she has been very calm in the tummy. it was nice to see her wiggling and shaking.

the tech came back after speaking to the radiologist to say, "all markers are negative." so...we didnt really know what that meant. she explained they were looking for certain markers at this age in the bones, her movements and even if her fists were constantly clinched. she passed on all points!

we still need to have the 20-week scan + EKG on the 29th to give us the complete picture. again, if we get good news then, we can go forward with a lot more confidence and less worry :)

there was a LITTLE bad news. (if this is the worst thing that will happen, it's ok.) so, my placenta is "previa," meaning it is in between estella and my uterus. if it doesn't move, i will HAVE to have a c-section. definitely not my preferred way to deliver, but the health of estella is a lot more important than any surgery or scar.

i will be meeting with my OB on monday to go over results. if there is anything the tech left out, i will update you. otherwise, the next post wont be until after our march 29th appt. OR, if i feel a kick before then :)

not much of an update, update

as most of you know, we just got back from florida. we were lucky to have 80 degree weather for the entire vacation. the first few days were spent at the magic kingdom and animal kingdom. ely had a blast. he even spent his own money to buy himself a few toys AND bought his baby girls some toys too :)



the last 4 nights were spent in clearwater beach. again, the weather was fantastic. when we werent at the beach or pool, we were hanging out on our lanai listening to the waves. it was perfect.

we have quite a few appointments in the coming days. friday we will have a 16-week U/S. this is to check on the progress and make sure everything is still heading in the right direction. then, on monday, we will meet with our normal OB for the typical 16-week check in.

we're still counting down the days until our march 29th appt...!

More great news!

ADDED: the drawing above was drawn by the cardio doc. she was explaining all the things in the heart she was able to see and how they were all working...

today estella had her first echocardiogram (EKG). the doc told us her heart looked great! she said that all was normal at this gestation. we will go back on march 29 to have another EKG. if all looks good during that scan, we will be assured that estella's heart is good.

after the EKG, we met with a high-risk OB. i have to say it was the most amazing and enlightening conversation we've had to date. this doctor was amazing. she explained everything to us in a way that gave us a more complete understanding of what has happened and what will be in our future. if you ever have the need for a high-risk OB, go see Edith Chang!!!

she went on to tell us that if the 2nd EKG and the 20-week U/S look good, estella has a 97% chance of being 100% healthy!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP! just 3 weeks ago, our doctors wouldn't even give us a slight percentage that she would even live. now, we are on a path of POTENTIALLY being completely healthy. UNBELIEVABLE.

so, march 29th will be another big day for us all...but, we have even more reason to believe that the news will be positive.

we are ecstatic. we couldnt have asked for more positive results in the past few days. we are so thankful for you all...we are all stronger because of the support of our friends and family. THANK YOU!

A miracle is in the works!

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. for all your loves, support, prayers, hopeful thinking, sending good thoughts, begging, pleading, etc. WE THINK IT HAS PAID OFF!!!!

as you know, we had a "2nd opinion" appt today at the UW (univ of washington). i underwent another "1st trimester screening" just like the one from 2.5 weeks ago. the ultrasound tech was aware that this was a 2nd opinion and was very diligent in her picture taking. (sometimes, a little painful...but well worth it.) it seemed, through my eyes, the NT (nuchal translucency) seemed bigger. but, then again, estella is bigger. i gave her a little time before i asked if she had been able to get an accurate measurement. she said her readings were around 2.7mm!!! (to remind you: the original NT was 3.6mm and the CH was 3.75mm. the edema didnt have a measurement.) i did get pretty excited. all i knew is that it was lower. she reminded me that she had a few more angles to work around. some of them did read out around 3.2mm. BUT IT WAS STILL SMALLER THAN 2.5 WEEKS AGO! she left the room to speak with the radiologist to make sure she had gathered enough info for our needs. i must say, she seemed like it was just important to her to get this right.

we were sent upstairs to speak to the genetic counselor without any more information. it was a long 30 minute wait...of course, sarah (genetic counselor) wanted to ask some questions before getting to the results. (REALLY???!!!) she finally began sharing the U/S results:

3.0mm NT
NO cystic hygroma present
NO edema present

we are still in shock. it's a miracle. of all the possibilities, i had never imagined this outcome. i'd never imagined it would all be gone. (i just prayed for same or smaller.) it's still hard to believe. we couldnt be more thankful...

what does this mean?

well...it's not all roses. a 3.0 is on the highest end of normal and because of the cystic hygroma that WAS there, we still are on the "high likelihood something is wrong with baby." but, instead of thinking of statistics of her passing away in utero, we are discussing percentages of her having genetic/disability/birth defects versus 100% healthy. (she told us we have a 10% chance she will be 100% healthy.) we will have the echo next week to look at the heart. there will be a 16-week look at her to see if any further progress has been made. then, the 20-week U/S will be a biggy. they will look at her anatomy (looking for physical birth defects) and also be able to get a good look at organs.

we know we are not out of the woods for her health. but, we do know that she seems to be getting better. that is what counts. each appt gives us renewed hope in getting to meet our baby girl. one step at a time.

we still need all your good thoughts through the coming week (echo) and months. we hope to keep updating you with good news :)

Strong Heartbeat

yesterday, we went to our regular OB for a "normal" 12-week appt. it was actually a really great appt. we had a fantastic conversation with our OB and got a little more understanding of her point of view of what we are going through. we also got to hear her heartbeat! (we had a lot of fears about NOT hearing anything.) it didnt take long for dr. fuller to find her heartbeat. it was going strong at 150-160! music to our ears...

also, we received a call from the UW. they want us to come in THIS thursday for another U/S. they are providing us with a 2nd opinion, so they want to do their own scans. this is such a relief. we now will be able to see estella this week AND see if there have been any changes in the past 2.5 weeks. it will be a turning point for our family. there are only 3 options: it all looks the same, it is getting worse OR it's getting better. guess which one we are praying for? :)

in more news, we decided to let ely know that he is going to be a big brother. he was very cute about it all. immediately talked to her and kissed her and said he loved her. he also wanted her to watch one of his favorite tv shows with him.

we'll update you after our thursday appt...send good thoughts our way!!! (appt is at 1pm)

Forward Movement

we just confirmed our appt to have a fetal echocardiogram on Feb 15th! why is this such great news? well...typically, an echo (EKG) cannot be performed until 20-ish weeks. luckily, seattle children's hospital has the ability to perform an EKG at 14 weeks! (there are no guarantees if they will be able to get a great read, but it's worth a try.)

we'll also get the opportunity to meet with a high-risk pregnancy OB. we were assured this doctor has experience with our issues. this is extremely comforting.

we'll be praying for a positive outcome on 2/15. we know there's a high probability that estella has a heart condition. knowing what the problem might be this early on can only help with getting her better.

12 weeks

we are officially 12 weeks. to most pregnant couples, this signifies the "safe zone." couples can safely share the fantastic news of their pregnancy. unfortunately, 12 weeks is not a marker for us. every week is a marker for us. every week that estella is still with us is a marker that she is staying strong.

there is good news to share. the genetic counselor called first thing this morning. estella ray has been cleared of ANY chromosomal abnormality! (if you will recall, there was a 50% chance of chromosomal abnormality.)

what does this mean? well, we will go down the path of potential heart issues (the next common issue) and/or other genetic issues (too many to list).

next steps? we have our 12-week check in with our OB on monday, feb. 7th. this will be a normal appt where they check my vital stats and listen to estella heart rate. after that, we were told we must wait till 15/16-week to have another U/S. at that point, they would be able to see more detail in estella's organs, etc. and, at 20-week we'd have another U/S along with an echocardiogram of her heart.

BUT, i've done a little research and found that our children's hospital has the technology to do an echo at 14 weeks! i'm in the process of contacting them to see if we can get an appt with them. fingers crossed!

and, as promised, a 12-week belly shot. BAM...it aint small :)

we want to thank you for all your prayers and good thoughts...they've gotten us this far. but, we have a long way to go. so, please keep estella ray on your mind and send good vibes our way. we need it!

January 27, 2011

i am resting. we are waiting. it will be 24-48 hours before we get preliminary results from the CVS. those findings will tell us if the baby has: downs, trisomy, trisomy 21 or turners. the rest of the results wont come for 7-10 days.

now, the preliminary results might only test for 4 syndromes, but those 4 syndromes equate to 80% of all chromosomal problems.

1130am
my phone rings. it's sandy, the genetic counselor. she starts with: "i have great news!" the preliminary results are all negative! that is fantastic. she asks if we'd like to know the gender...heck yah! i put her on speakerphone. she tells us that we are having a baby GIRL! we both tear up. ask her a few more questions. hang up. then, embrace for what felt like 10 minutes. we were excited for the "good" news and even more excited about the idea of having a girl. and, a bonus, we already knew her name: Estella Ray.

from this moment on, we could send good thoughts to estella. prayers can be in her name. there is a different level of attachment when you know the gender and have a name.

also, because of our decision to fight, we decided to share our news with more people. we figured that the more people praying for Estella Ray, the better off she will be. we began to send out emails, make phone call, and, if you are reading this, establish a blog.

we want everyone who knows and loves her to stay updated. we want you to share your good/bad stories of similar issues. (personally, i get even more strength through others stories.) please send messages to Estella Ray. she will get strength through those who love her.

thank you for caring. thank you for listening. continue to look back for updates. we are hoping to get the final CVS results next week. pray for negative results, please. if those come back negative, we will be heading down a different "path." but, at least we'll be closer to knowing what we may be able to do to bring Estella Ray into this world.

January 26, 2011

the last 24 hours were spent online. searching for stories, medical research, anything we could find about CH and edema. there is tons of information about CH, not much about edema. there were positive outcomes about baby's with CH. these stories gave us hope. and, to be honest, gave me the first feelings of strength. i finally realized that i could fight for this baby. if my doctors wouldnt, i would. anthony felt the same way. we came to agreement that we would fight for this baby.

130pm
we go in for the CVS test. there are 2 options for this test; one is needle in the belly (no thank you), the other is vaginally (yes, please). apparently, i would not have a choice. on this particular day, with this particular doctor, i would be having needle in belly. let freaking out begin. i warned him of my fear of needles. he didnt really seem to care. he found the placenta and begin to do set-up. i asked him if he could check and make sure there was still a heartbeat. honestly, i was terrified to know...there, in fact, was a heartbeat. let's continue.

yes, the needle in the belly really sucked. then, they had to give me another shot in the rear end because of my blood type. crappy day. i went home to rest (required for 24 hours following the procedure).

thus begins the wait for preliminary results...

January 25, 2011

i wake up at 3am. i cant sleep. the words NUCHAL TRANSLUCENCY repeat in my mind. i get on the internet and look for every story i can find about thick nuchal translucency. i find as many good as bad. but, if anything, i just have more questions.

we get an appt to see Dr. Fuller at 950am. we stop by the 11th floor to pick up a copy of the report from the night before. in the time it took to go from 11th to the 14th floor, i was able to google a phrase that is on the report: cystic hygroma. before Dr. Fuller enters the room, i read "1% of babies are found to have cystic hygroma and not many survive to term." she enters. the look on her face confirms what i've just read on my phone. all i ask her, "it's not good, is it?" she shakes her head "no." i break down. the next 5 minutes are spent trying to make sense out of what is going on. she explains that it is not our fault. it's completely random. she is sorry. she didnt think this would have any effect on us trying to have another baby. she even stated that maybe "you knew in your heart" because of the fear i'd had in the few months of knowing i was pregnant. she gave us a card and sent us downstairs to the perinatal center to schedule an appt with a genetic counselor.

we walk down the LONG hallway of our dr's office. passing by, what i seemed to think was an abnormal number of healthy, pregnant women. women who had the "glow." here i am, with a pooch, but i am dark. the light has been shut off from my glow. i'd just been told that i'd never meet my baby. they were lucky. i was not.

we went to the 7th floor. i cannot control my emotions. i cannot even speak well enough for the receptionist to understand my name. anthony helps the lady with her questions. another woman comes out to chat with us. she begins to tear up at that site of me. she gets us in that day. we have an appt with a genetic counselor at 1245pm. and, i still really dont understand what this all means...

1245pm
we meet sandy. very kind-hearted, soft-spoken lady. she goes through our family history. nothing to really speak to. we have a healthy 4 year old. hmmmm. so, she gives us a small biology lesson of chromosomes and what i bring, what anthony brings...blah blah blah...we start asking questions. "what are the chances that our baby will survive?" she couldnt give us an answer. heck, i would have been happy with a 5% chance. but, she couldnt give us anything concrete. all she could give us was that our baby had a 50% chance of chromosomal abnormality or a 50% chance of some other birth defect. we ask about the birth defect category. there isnt really an answer for that either. it seems, it's a catch all for anything that may be wrong with the baby. thanks?

next steps were to try and find out about chromosome problems. to do that, i would have a CVS test (pretty much, a early-stage amnio). the answers to this test would tell us if the baby has any chromosomal problem. ok. sign me up.

now, the big question is, if it's not a chromosome problem, how do we find out what the problem is...well, you have to wait. we cannot really take a good look at the baby's heart until 18-19 weeks.

as time went by in our meeting, our counselor notified us that she suspected a heart problem. based on another finding that we'd ignored in the U/S results. apparently, along with a cystic hygroma, our baby had "soft tissue edema." she explained that this was fluid in the baby's chest. in her opinion, this finding was the most devastating part of the finding. great. we have 2 things going against us now. we hadnt researched about edema. we didnt know what questions to ask. so, we walked out of her office with a little more confusion and even more reason to believe that our baby was dying.

January 24, 2011

the day is finally hear! we havent seen our baby is so long! we know, based on the babycenter.com updates that we will see a semblance of a person. the hours are going by SO SLOW at work...finally, it's time. anthony's downstairs. we get to see our baby!

at this point, i am at 10.5 weeks. the earliest you can go into this screening. being the impatient person i am, i had to schedule the appt at the first available date. seeing the baby just brings me such joy.

we head into the U/S room. i ask the tech if she will be able to tell us if she sees any problems. she lets us know that the radiologist will come in after the scan and discuss his findings either way. she scans for about 20 minutes. she points out hands, arms, feet, toes, etc. all the good stuff. she taking measurement, but we aren't really paying attention. we are just watching the baby. basking in the glow of the new addition to our family. wondering the babies gender. how big/small he/she will be when they come out, etc.

the tech leaves for 5 minutes and returns with the radiologist. the first words out of his mouth, "congratulations!" yes, it feels good. but, the next 5 minutes of words will forever change our outlook on the pregnancy. the hopes for our future family. the idea that we might not have a healthy baby.

he explains that the nuchal translucency is measuring thick. and, this is a signal that something is wrong with the baby. that the baby is at high risk for a birth defect. honestly, after those words, everything else was kinda white noise. he just kept talking about having to "go down a different path." using hand gestures of pathways. it really did feel like a dream state. the only thing i could ask was "what is the measurement and what is a normal range?"

so, we walked out of the scan knowing that a normal range is 1-2mm and our baby had a measurement of 3.7mm. not really knowing what this really meant, it just didnt seem good.

i looked to a friend who had a similar experience for more information. she helped guide me through understanding the stats that she'd been given and what all of this means (or could mean) to us and our baby. based on more information, we had reason to believe that this reading could be a false-positive. that, having this screen done before 11.5 weeks could be too early. there was hope! we went to bed feeling terrified, but thinking this could all be a nightmare that could end very soon.

8-10 weeks

in the coming days, life was good. not much nausea. just tired. i'd come home. put on pjs. settle into the pillows and the chair. anthony would cook. we'd eat. we'd go to bed. it was a ritual.

we talked about the baby very little. again, we were very excited, but were realistic that we were in the "scary zone." we used most of baby-talk time to chat with ely about "hypothetically" having a brother or sister. ely was EXTREMELY clear to us. he ONLY wanted a sister. and, her name would be "baby ruby" (my BF daughters name). we brought him around friends who had new babies. we thought all of these experiences would be helpful for our future. we had not planned on telling ely until we got to 12 weeks and had the final "thumbs up" that our baby was doing well. it's really hard to keep exciting news from him. but, we did.

POP! we took a picture at 8 weeks (see pic). my tummy looked pretty normal. (of course, not flat. but, then again, my tummy hasnt been flat since i was in college.) within days of taking the 8-week photo...POP! my tummy popped. WHAT? WAIT! this is way too early. i wasnt planning on telling work for 3-4 more weeks! how would i hide this pooch??? maternity clothes already? i compared my tummy size to the blog i had created when i was pregnant with ely. WHOA...i was the same size at 9 weeks as i was at 5 months with ely. ARGH! i refused to take a picture until i was 12 weeks. that would make it seem a little more normal, right?

the time is so slow...we get to see our baby again on 1/24/11. 1st trimester screening (U/S). we were on pins/needles!

January 7, 2011

at this point, i am 8 weeks pregnant. over the last 4 days, i had severe morning sickness. ICK! very similar to my sickness when i was pregnant with ely. (that last from week 7-15!) but, all the sudden it stopped. no nausea. no lightheaded feelings. not nearly as tired. boobs were not sore. what was going on??? i began to freak out. i had been so worried about miscarriage since the day we found out...was this a sign? i thought, surely not. there would be cramps. bleeding. so, what does anyone do in this day/age...head to the internet. i felt assured that information on the web would help me relax. there is no way that losing symptoms is a sign of miscarriage, right? well, apparently, it can be. i found tons of stories of women who know longer "felt" pregnant. and, within weeks, found out their baby did pass away in utero. sometimes the body just doesnt know how to pass the baby. introducing, freak out phase 2. i called my doc's nurse in a panic. crying. but, also feeling really stupid. she was so kind and understanding. she squeezed me in that day. she said, "let's just take a look and see how the baby is doing." i was so thankful and fearful at the same time.

a few hours later and walked into my doc's office. this time, head down. terrified. Dr. Fuller asked me some questions and immediately brought me into the U/S room. i had a wad of kleenex and a pounding heart. LUCKILY, so did our baby. baby was fine. measured at 8 weeks. heart was racing. whew. again, i was able to walk out, head held high. heart filled with love and hopes for the future.

Name(s) discussion

well, we didnt need to discuss girls names. that had been decided even before ely was born. when we were pregnant with ely, we had boy and girl names chosen. obviously, ely took the boy name. but, we always had held estella in our heart if we ever had a girl. estella is honor of my maternal grandmother. her name was estelle. toward the end of granny's time with us, i had told her if i ever had a girl, i would honor her with her name. this was way before i'd even met anthony. thank goodness he like this version of estelle :).

as for the middle name, that did adjust a little bit from our name option 5 years ago. we conceived this baby within days of a tragic loss in my family. my stepdad, alan ray huls (AKA: cowboy) unexpectedly passed away. this was a horrible loss and left us devastated. alan had always treated me as his own daughter. he loved me unconditionally. he taught me kindness. he taught me how to be self-deprecating. he made me laugh every time i spoke to him. he was a guidepost for me. i wouldnt be who i am today, without him. knowing we were "trying" around the time he passed away, we immediately agreed that we'd honor alan in some way. knowing that if we conceived during this time, alan's spirit would live within this child. so, with the first name of estella, we decided to use alan's middle name for a baby girls middle name...so, if we had a girl, her name would be Estella Ray. we thought is was perfect!

as for a boys name, the struggles continued. we talked a lot about options for boys names. after weeks of discussion, we tabled it. we knew it would be MONTHS before we'd even find out the gender. so, we decided to wait it out.

December 27, 2010

the day we'd been waiting for...the day to see our baby. anxious and excited, we entered the waiting room. unfortunately, my OB/GYN for the last 13 years had moved to Indiana. so, not only were we meeting our new baby for the first time, but we were meeting our new doctor.

immediately, we felt comfort with Dr. Fuller. whew...she was patient with all of our questions. amazing how much you can forget in 5 years! after a 30 minuted Q&A session, we went to the Ultrasound (U/S) room to see our baby. there he/she was. tiny. unrecognizable. a blob, really. but, we could see a heartbeat! that was amazing. at only 6.5 weeks gestation, seeing a heartbeat is not a given. (see pictures)

anthony and i walked out of the office glowing. heads held high. feeling on top of the world. (honestly, we'd not discussed the baby a lot. we knew that anything could happen. we wanted to see him/her before we got our hopes up.) now, the baby was confirmed. we could finally talk about him/her. as we got into the car, anthony said, "can we talk about names?" we felt like we could talk about the future. that felt amazing.

December 12, 2010

after months of bad news and hard times in our household, we found out we were expecting. this time, it was a little more planned. we had just started trying, and were surprised how quickly we conceived (again). we felt very blessed and were excited of the news. of course, it was really early in the process (about 4 weeks). so, we cautiously celebrated. we scheduled our first OB appt for 12/27/10. waiting weeks to see our baby was slight torture. but, we knew he/she would be worth the wait.

this was what our family needed. we ALL needed something positive to look forward to. we needed hope. a new baby would bring love and strength to us all.